Friday, 15 May 2009

Web sites/boards for ED's?

I was just thinking about the different sites I have visited or become members of, over the last 5-6 years, in relation to Eating Disorders and Mental Health issues... It's probably quite a lot!

I don't really use them much, I'm more of your 'secret browser' type who lingers about, just reading posts that catch my eye- I've never really 'got into' being a part of any of them. Not purposely, just always felt un-worthy of them or totally above them- good old black and white thinking, just for a change!

There is a particular one (won't mention names) that I have been a member of for over 5 years now, that I still log onto almost daily. It is definately NOT pro-ana, although a great many people that are members of this site have been there longer than me and are mostly deep in ED dominated lives. I used to find this site terribly fascinating and would sit logged on for hours at a time, bemused by the subjects that were up for 'discussion'. I think I posted twice ever on this site and didn't much like the reaction I got to whatever it was I posted about. I log onto it now out of general nosiness, I suppose, and because it's been that many years, I almost feel like I know some of these people, even though they wouldn't have a clue who I am even on a username basis. They post pics, write diaries and talk about their lives and food, really positive, real stuff mostly. But then there is your share of who's eaten what and thrown it up too!


I used to feel quite jealous that I couldn't seem to get involved as much as many of them... sometimes I had good advice based on my experiences or had input I could have given to help someone but I just couldn't seem to join in, no matter how many hours I hung around reading. Some people seem 'to' into them to me. Like, 'how can they be getting on with their lives and trying to recover if they're forever bloody posting on here?'. I know the desperation and depression and dis-attachment that ED's can bring about and it was probably one of the places they felt happiest and among those that understand, when trapped in a world that just can't seem to help or give you what's needed (hell knows you don't know yourself!) I think maybe I was just TO depressed and past caring to have the energy to get involved, rather selfishly speaking- !!! I like this blogging lark better... it's kinda like talking to yourself too, a lot of the time for me, anyway. And an immediate response is un-important, or indeed, any response. It's just nice to vent (smile face)

And anyway.... I was thinking to myself, how at different stages of my ED, the different things I got out of sites such as these... and how when I was a teenager, trapped in a world of ED's and not really understanding why or how it happened to me or what I was going to do about it.... and what the fuck I did before the world wide web.

1 comment:

  1. hi sar

    back again, had a bit of a rough time, it shook me up. guess what? i have been able to gain weight. i will write about it soon. i got so ill, it had to happen.

    how are things? i will catch up and read your posts. i hope your well.
    and that interne site sounds hopeful and good. yet like you say some are all absorbed, with nothing else to focus on. and as for joining in, im much the same, ive read some blogs for over a year now and havent commented even though i want to! i wonder why? maybe i think my comments arent good enough, i dont know.
    hope your well.