Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Feeling slightly overwhelmed

...I've had to revise, slightly, my weekly menu's due to trying to take too bigger steps in one go. Here's how it is..... I mentioned in an earlier post about the obsession with numbers- the constant counting of calories to the point of it being every waking thought and influencing everything I do, even in periods of apparent wellness, the counting, although not so restrictive, has always been there. And that was my main aim- to try and find a way to stop that- and I have found a way that seems to be working!! And it feels DAMN GOOD!! Its only been a week and a half and I've come so far in that field, it's just brilliant for me and I'm massively proud of myself, it is a BIG achievement and the most important aspect of my ED behavior that I'd cut my arm off to get rid of. BUT... with this in mind I need to just take care not to try and run too fast with the other stuff, like trying to add in too many foods just because mentally, I think I can handle it off the back of all this 'good vibe' from doing so well. I was planning todays menu last night and getting very flustered over too much choice on my options menu and SHOCK HORROR, one of the foods I'd bought had a sell by date of a few days time- but I couldn't find a way to incorporate into my menu- and I found myself getting incredibly anxious!! SO.... I sat back- and said to myself 'Sar, just cut the menu back to the same as last week; you planned a nutritious variety of foods including protein, fat, carb at every meal and enjoyed every bite, just carry on with that, stay safe and take smaller steps- remember, you've already started to accomplish something that will be life-changing....- why rush and mess it up?'
And I feel MUCH better today for getting it straight in my head. I an't get it all right in a week after years of getting it wrong- the Pancake night was such a sucess and I should be lovin myself for doing so well and not getting stroppy because I can't find a way to add a carton of Oat milk into my menu right now. Stay happy, stay smiley.

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