My Story AND a bit more about ME!

I live in England with my husband and 12 year old son. I have long history of battling Eating Disorders, depression, self harm and also have diagnosis of Borderline Personality disorder and various other 'fantastic-NOT' labels, which I've learnt to use to my advantage as regards challenging them and not using them as excuses for messing up life, even though the afore mentioned have impacted greatly on just about everything so far. More about that later- what I DO have that I would never have thought possible is a beautiful son and supportive husband whom make it worth staying alive for, only now I don't just want to 'stay alive'- I want to 'LIVE'.

I'm a bit of a random type really, up until now, I would describe myself as the sort of person who is inconsistent in all aspects, impulsive, unpredictable, very loving and kind and sensitive and also a totally child-like, totally out-of-control, very needy and very lost- although I do give out super advice to others lots of the time (when they ask!)

In short, after my most recent in-patient stay for ED's (which I like to call FEDS- F standing for the obvious- and no punn intended on the FED- food thing LOL!) I have battled more than ever with the hellish pain of recovery weight gain and associated destructive behaviors that I indulged in as a way of dealing with that. And i've got to the point where it's just not acceptable anymore... for me. There has to be more than continually going round in great big endless circles of recovery- relapse- addiction blah blah....... with a few healthy episodes in between, short-lived and half-hearted..... inspired by a blog I started reading, I would like to be able to share and record the road to real life and hopefully be supportive, get support and have fun doing so.

I will probably talk a lot about my food- my meal choices- how it makes me feel- why it makes me feel and what I'm gonna do about it, more importantly. My aims are to ensure I eat because I deserve to and I need to and the choices I make as regards what to eat. So any support, input is gladly welcome- I can rant a lot and I can talk a lot of sense so expect a variety of very differing tones in my posts, Jekyll and Hyde style. Here goes........!! :0