Friday, 27 March 2009

Today is MY choice to be a good one

'You do what you need to do and I'll do what I need to and we'll both wake up tommorow and the world will be a better place. I have 2 paths that will branch off around 6pm tonight and I'm pre-choosing the one that mean I wake tommorow feeling stronger and happier with far less effort'

This was my reply to a collegue who told me he was going out to get 'absolutely plastered' tonight and what was I going to be doing and why was I going to do that???

I had told him that I would be dropping my hubby off for a work outing then going home to prepare a lovely, fresh meal and pour a glass of red wine then watching some Sky+ recordings with my son, chilling on my bed, and probably be asleep by 9.30pm. This was met with a look from him, somewhere between confusion and disgust...LOL!
Strangely, on waking this morning, I immediately decided that today was going to be my choosing that I will do what I need to do in order to feel happy, safe and well AND strong.
I think it's due to a bit of a low feeling over the last couple of days, for one and another reason and I know that if I don't pick myself up right now- it will worsen very fast and become a mess.
I feel good with myself for finding the strenghth to be able to apply this as it's something I have been working on for last couple of months and it is usually not as easy as it seems to have been today.
I know things change very quickly, during the day, if something unexpected happens that cts off the 'good flow' but for now, I'm feeling good, yeah baby!!!

Just a quick flitting one here:

This morning I had to nip over to the post box before work, which involves crossing a zebra crossing, opposite the office building. I HATE going over that crossing as it causes me the biggest degree of anxiety to go over it and I actually had to convince myself that I was worthy enough to warrant the cars stopping for me to get across. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I ALWAYS hate going over that crossing and have done for a long time, yet I need to use it nearly every lunch break, to get over to the shops. It's like, if the cars or just 1 car doesn't stop for me, it means that the driver of that car has looked at me and didn't think I was worth stopping for..... I know that to be totally untrue but it's very real to me and today was the first time that I've questioned it. I have even been known to take post from the office and drive miles out of the way just to avoid going over the road. I have to stop for people to cross there when I arrive and leave work every day and it's no big deal- it's a small but busy village with this one main road running through it- I guess I think I will be making people angry by having to stop for me. And I have to gear myself up for it- strange anxiety situation when there could be so many other things on a daily basis that I would have thought would cause more of a 'problem'. Hmmmmm...
Anyway, lastly, I found these pics in my phone- I took them on our last trip down to Swanage, which is one of my special places in the UK that I love. We go for several weekends a year and It never fails to make me happy when I'm there.
The pics below were taken about 6am when I thought I had severe insomnia, only to realise that I hadn't taken my Zopiclone, Seroquel & other medication cocktail that night, which is an absolute MUST for me to have any chance of sleep (sadly enough) when I thought I had.
But it was even more beautiful in Swanage Bay, at that time of the morning, although the pics don't capture the whole experience. We due to go back at Easter weekend and I'm SO looking forward to it!
Have good weekend!Xx

1 comment:

  1. hi

    its certainly peaceful countryside. i stayed in the haven, and got the little chain link ferry across to swanage.

    and with the crossing, im sure you know its not the crossing thats the issue. its how others see you, or how you think, they think. and what other people in others car think when the cars dont stop! its endless. try to think of something else when your crossing,easier said than done.