I love it when other people cook for me or going out for food as I now find it takes away a lot of anxiety as regards making a decision, or should I say, making the RIGHT decision, as to what to eat.
It used to be the other way round when I blatantly ate a completely different meal to the rest of my family, in that I would always have my 'safe' food and feel totally ok (yeah, I know that's completely ED subservience and I DON'T do that now) and going out was a nightmare regarding the fact of not knowing what was in the food, how much fat & calories and all that life destroying crap.
So, he went about preparing it and wouldn't tell me what we were going to have (he's only 12 and my hubby was in on the health & safety with ovens etc). It kinda didn't matter if he had chosen something that I find 'fearful' as I would have quickly put in place a series of thoughts to ensure that nothing would ruin our special meal.I could smell a lovely aroma drifting up the stairs and I commented how it 'smelled like Christmas). He told me that was because we were having turkey, so I got quite exited as I LOVE turkey meals, and xmas day meals are one of my true faves!
The meal consisted of:
Butter Basted Turkey, buttered herb herb new potatoes, onion gravy and winter veg (sprouts, carrot & cauliflower)
He also got a Sticky Toffee Pudding to cook but we're having that tonight instead as he didn't want us all to be 'stuffed' and we all agreed that then we'd have another nice treat to look forward to tonight.
He lit candles too and put my wine bottle out to go with it all. (See pics attached)
And it was truly special....
He even asked me to take a picture to go on my blog!!
They then washed up at the end of the meal so I could just go chill out with my wine.
Apart from the obvious of me being extremely proud of my son to be so thoughtful and go to an effort (especially on a Sunday night and when he just could have got me a card & flowers)- having others in my house take control of meals is such a treat and gives my head a nice rest from the constant anxiety brought about by the daily decision making on food. I don't mean that to sound like I really badly struggle or dislike preparing meals, it's just so much of a big deal to me when I don't have to do it that I find it one of the best experiences to have.
As I was eating it, I also noted how much it meant to my son and found it almost tear-worthy that I can hurt myself so badly with the very thing that he was showing his love for me with- if that makes sense?
I also thought that if every night, I could find, without second thought, a reason strong enough to eat unquestionably, how lovely that would be! Of course, I value my health enough to do the right thing most of the time now, it would just be nice to get to the point where there was no pre-thought trail of having to justify eating or have conversations with myself about it being 'ok' to eat and not feel guilty for it. However, to be given a night like last night, where it goes so much deeper than just food and eating, is something that means so much to me and I wanted to share that with you.
Our lovely meal (ok, we ate at the breakfast bar in the kitchen but note candles and a vase!)
After dinner hugz for my personal chef!
Million thanks for a wonderful Mothers Day, Max! Love you. XX
And, on another note- I have decided to book and see my GP tommorow, if I can, to get something on the roll as regards a bit of support in the nutrition area. So, i'll see how that goes but I am looking forward to doing the best thing here and not just leaving it, hoping that things will just get better on their own- they may well do but I don't think I have anything to lose by talking to them about it.
Xx
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