I know i've just posted BUT I've just had a rare BLAST of a revelation feeling come over me.
I left the office to pop over road and get Red Bull- and I sprang out, strided up to 'The crossing'- the cars stopped and I waved 'cheers' to them and carried on walking- I got my favourite coat on (long, black, leather coat- much like a funeral director or vampire might wear), my school shirt (don't laugh), hubby's tie, pin-striped trousers, my hair looks good, I feel bloody great AND then I held the shop door open for a business man who insisted I come through first... I shook my head, kinda winked at him and said 'Sod womens lib!' and he smiled and came through, and I just felt pumped & powerful and happy and then this thought swept over me- that- right now, at this point in my life- I AM happy with things, with my family, the way I look, the effort I'm putting into crushing this ED ,my life as it is. I'm just afraid that things won't stay this way- and maybe that's whats bringing me down...
Maybe it's only me that can make things stay the way they are, so far as I can and I should really give myself a break. I'M content... I'm living a better quality of life than in years! Things are, overall- going good.
I just felt like I needed to add that, especially after the post just before- I told you I have many different thought patterns in a day (Oh, Bi-polar alert)... I think it's important to grab at the positives as well as rant about the negatives! Xx
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sometimes i find if i act confident, people definately treat you that way. if you do it enough it will become part of your character.
ReplyDeleteand the wasting thing. i feel guilt over almost everything. thats been past down through the generations for me. and the handwriting, i never write in the same way, i thought that was just me. dont know whether being left-handed has anything to do with it.
alice.
Hi Alice!
ReplyDeleteDo you consiously do it with the handwriting or a bit of both? I remember through school I would constantly and purposefully change the way I wrote and copy other peoples handwriting- my schoolbooks must have looked totally bizarre to the teachers as it really varied in size and the way I formed my letters etc. I think I do it for escapism, if that makes sense? It's like, it's not ME anymore, it's a NEW ME if I write different. I wonder if anyone else does this?? Xx
hi sar
ReplyDeletei think when i was at school i copied others writing. a popular blonde, made up girl everyone liked ( she was one of the good ones) i copied her handwriting for months. with all the tails and curves. and then sloppily i, in my careless mood would plod across the page. i think perhaps my mood has alot to do with it. alice.x